Lose Your Life

The world tells us we will be happy if we live for ourselves...do whatever pleases us.  When I look around at the results of that, I see anxiety, unnecessary pain, hopelessness, divorce, abandoned children, all forms of abuse, the list goes on and on.  We are never satisfied in ourselves, we always want more!  It wrecks us and the people around us.  We suck the life out of each other in an effort to feel more alive.

"Self-seeking becomes self-destruction." (ESV commentary Isaiah 9:18-21)

God's ways are so different than ours.

"And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.  Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."  (Matthew 10:38-39 ESV)

"Crucifixion is a shocking metaphor for discipleship.  A disciple must deny himself (die to self-will), take up his cross (embrace God's will, no matter the cost), and follow Christ."  (ESV commentary Matthew 10:38)

"The path of self-sacrifice is the path to glory."  -B.B. Warfield

It doesn't make sense to our intellects, it doesn't satisfy our flesh.  But it's true.  I have experienced the joy in dying to myself!

The results are the exact opposite of the ones I listed above.  There's peace even in the storm.  Pain doesn't have to be in vain, and in the end brings healing to our beings.  We are not without hope. Marriages can not only survive, but actually thrive.  Children are embraced and orphans find homes.  There is no abuse.

The Lord Jesus is a much better master than I am.  I find lasting satisfaction in being His servant.  I am honored to serve the living God, Maker of heaven and earth.  His blessings overwhelm me!

"Whoever keeps the commandment keeps his life; he who despises His ways will die."  
(Proverbs 19:16 ESV)

The Cure for My Ugly

I don't think comparing myself to others is always wrong.  It can inspire me to pursue maturity, in my character and in my abilities.  But I have to ask myself what's driving the comparison, and where is it leading me?

What I don't want to do is compare myself to others out of my insecurities.  This opens me up to envy and shame.  It leads me to wrongly judge myself and others, which is where it gets really destructive!

My perceptions of people can be exaggerated or even completely wrong.  I witness a moment in a person's life, or see a photo on Facebook, and let my assumptions fill in all the unknowns about that person.  Many times I compare myself to someone who's not even real!

I may choose to criticize them in a sad attempt to make myself feel better.  Or I will put them up on a pedestal, and let shame take over...believe I'm a failure.  It's not right, and the result is not good. 

So this is what I am going to do, by the grace of God...

I am going to take my thoughts captive.

I am going to hold them into the light of the Truth...Jesus.  I need Him to expose sin and insecurities.  Am I jealous? proud? selfish?  Do I need to grow?  I can handle the ugly truth about myself, because I know what to do with it.  I know the cure for my ugly.

I will repent.  He died to forgive me of my sins and to cleanse me.  Make me new.  Sin brings death and destruction.  God only kills the evil in me, and then breathes life into my being.  Life abundantly.

I will choose to be content with who God has made me!  Be satisfied in Him and the work He has chosen for me.  Joy is found there.  I can be truly beautiful there. 

I won't make assumptions about others...I will just love them.  What freedom!

 (Photo by Witthaya Phonsawat)

Drowning Out Lies

Sometimes in the quiet of the night when I'm lying in bed, I get overwhelmed with thoughts.  Most of them are not anything I should be wasting my time on.  Usually they are lies leading me to fear.  Or they may be exaggerations of the truth...lies.  They foster feelings of failure...as a wife, mother, friend, sister, etc.  There are times I have had terrifying dreams, and I wake up in the night flooded with intense feelings and thoughts.

There are a few ways the Lord has helped me to deal with this.

I have turned my fears into prayers (much like I described in my post "Always...In All Circumstances".  That has lifted the fear and I was able to receive His peace, and believe the truth.  The truth about me, about Him, about my circumstances.

A few times I just started saying who my God is (as written in the Bible).  My Comforter. My Redeemer. My Rock. My Refuge. My Helper. My Salvation.  I completely focused on who He is, and was at peace.

And then other times, I have just started singing praise to Him (not out loud :).  As I did, He met me.  Fear fled.  Lies gone.

Recently I watched a video about a severely autistic girl.  At times she will bang her head on the floor, hit things, shake, etc.  She said this is because she is getting so much input (what she is feeling, seeing, hearing), she tries to overcome it with output.  I thought that was so interesting.  Much like how we are surrounded with so many lies, that if we don't combat them with truth, we are overwhelmed.

So the other night when I felt bombarded with thoughts, I started singing to Jesus in my mind.  I found myself singing "louder" until the song was drowning out the lies.  It worked.  My "output" overcame the "input".

This is an up-close view of the wall at the foot of my bed.

Life Birthed Through Trials

I have had some very intense and difficult times in the recent past.  The kind of times that change you forever, perhaps like how an earthquake can change the landscape of the earth.  There was nothing I could do to change the circumstances.  I chose to cling to Jesus through it all, and take one day at a time.  There was a lot of pressure for about a year and a half.

In some ways it reminds me of child birth.

I would never want to go through those experiences again, however, I also wouldn't want to erase them.  Going through the pain of child birth, is worth the life that is produced.  All that pressure you feel as you go through contractions, has a purpose...bringing forth life.

"Joy sometimes needs pain to give it birth."  (Streams in the Desert)

I wrote this poem about a year ago.  I was in the end of this difficult season.

The birth of BluEyes

Trials   
So often we pray,
"Lord, take this trial away!"
We don't want to suffer,
Not in any way.
Your word says to expect trials,
And to count it all joy when we do.
You use them to produce steadfastness,
We need only keep our eyes on You.
Difficulties, suffering, any kind of pain,
We look at these things with such great distain.
If only we realized how You draw us near,
Through all these things,
You make Yourself more clear.
Your glory is revealed,
In good times and bad.
May we joyfully accept,
And in You be made glad.     (Rachel Ranae 1.3.11)


(Photo credit: Rachel Ranae)

Before My Feet Hit the Floor!

"Let me hear in the morning of Your steadfast love, for in You I trust.  Make me know the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul." (Psalm 143:8 ESV)  Remind me of Your love.  I will trust You.  With a hundred directions to go, where do You want me today? I am Yours. This morning. Every morning.

I have the habit of praying before my feet hit the floor to a new day.  It's not usually fancy or long (my mind is waking), but it's sincere and real.  

I pray for His love to fill me so that I can love others with genuine Christ-like love.  That simple prayer says quite a lot actually, because...
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Cor. 13:4-7 ESV)
(if you've heard that verse a thousand times-read it again. slower.)

I also pray that I would "keep in step with the Spirit".  There's a lot packed into those words as well...
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit."  
(Gal. 5:22-23, 25 ESV)

In this simple act of prayer, I am recognizing my complete dependence on Him.  Let me tell you...I DO NEED HIM!  And He is real.  He is not "positive thinking", or an imaginary friend that somehow encourages me.  He is very much alive, and I am so thankful that I am made alive in Him...in Jesus.

(Photo by mack2happy) 

The Hair Brush

The Future

I am glad that I don't know the future. I am glad that I know Who does...and He loves me. He is so good to prepare me for what is to come, in ways that I am not even aware of.  I find peace in knowing that whatever happens circumstantially, if I am trusting in, relying on, and clinging to Him...I couldn't be anywhere better.

I do not have strength from God, for things I am not currently experiencing.  I can imagine scenarios, and become very afraid.  But God is not in that imaginary world, He is in reality.  I need to stay there with Him.  And when reality is terrifying, He never leaves me.  He holds me.

"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  (Isaiah 41:10 ESV)

Restless?

Photo by vichie81 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I remember a summer in which I said, "It is the ocean I need," and I went to the ocean; but it seemed to say, "It is not in me!" The ocean did not do for me what I thought it would. Then I said, "The mountains will rest me," and I went to the mountains, and when I awoke in the morning there stood the grand mountain that I had wanted so much to see; but it said, "It is not in me!" It did not satisfy. Ah! I needed the ocean of His love, and the high mountains of His truth within. It was wisdom that the "depths" said they did not contain, and that could not be compared with jewels or gold or precious stones. Christ is wisdom and our deepest need. Our restlessness within can only be met by the revelation of His eternal friendship and love for us.

Margaret Bottome
(Streams in the Desert (C) 1996 Zondervan)

Just Learning or Living?

The other day I threw away a bunch of fruit that I had let spoil.  While I was tossing it into the garbage can, I wondered if I do that with truth sometimes.

As I walk through the grocery store and place the fruit in my cart, somehow I already feel a little bit healthier.  Then I buy it, take it home, and place it ever so nicely in beautiful bowls.  Look at how healthy we will eat!  But then we sit there eating pizza...hmm.  It goes in the trash.  Not exactly what I had intended.  Good intentions aren't enough.

Just because I know something doesn't mean I have been changed by it.  Just like looking at fruit doesn't make me any healthier.  Could you imagine if every week I just kept buying all kinds of fruit, displaying it, and then throwing it away...thinking I was getting healthier?  That would be so absurd!

But do I do that with the truth?  Am I just learning or am I actually living?

Do I really want to live for the One who made me?  Do I love His ways?  If I do, then I won't try to lie to myself.  I will seek God and be changed by His love.     

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." (James 1:22 ESV)

The Glory of God

I like this song.
Listen to the whole thing to hear a message from John Piper at the very end...so good!

the Maker

I got this text on my phone today-"Why did God make us?"  The question was not about our purpose, or what we should be doing...just why did He make us to begin with?  It made me smile.  It made me think.  My instant response was "For His own glory".  The person wanted more.  All of the sudden my mind was swarming with thoughts, and I started rambling a bunch of them through texts.  A little while later, I felt like a simple answer came to me in the form of a question... 

Photo by Simon Howden

Why does an artist paint? 

That's it!  Well, at least part of it.  He created us and everything else for His glory, yes.  But He made us because He IS glorious!  A real artist doesn't paint amazing pieces of art, simply to get glory.  It naturally comes out of him, he is compelled to paint!  These works come out of his love for it.  Then the artist wants to share the beauty he has made...put them on display.  And they are so wonderful that people want to give him glory.  Praise him for his wonderful works.

One of the reasons God created us is simply because He IS the Creator.  How could He not create? 

Jesus said that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.  As I was pondering all of this, I found it interesting that God spoke things into existence.  His creations are a manifestation of love...His very heart.  The heavens and the earth flowed out of His mouth...and He said it was good.  As we look around we should want to glorify Him, the Maker.  He is awesome!

And as we see the effects of sin, and how they have messed with the beauty, we should anticipate the restoration of His beautiful pieces of art.

"For His invisible attributes, namely, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made..." (Romans 1:20 ESV)

Always...In All Circumstances

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18 (ESV)
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

I like to look at this verse, in reverse.  What is God's will for me?  I ask that question a lot.  Well, in all circumstances, wherever I am at, and whatever I am doing...I can give thanks.  That almost sounds impossible, right?  So when I am in pain, when my child is sick, fill in the blank (the possibilities are endless)...am I suppose to say, "Thank You God, that my child is sick."  Be fake?  Pretend?  I don't think so.

First of all, we can thank God for who He is.  That He knows what is happening.  That He is in control.  Knowing that He is in control, doesn't help unless you trust Him though.  Sometimes I think, "But You do let children die, and You allow bad things to happen." I'll save that for another time actually!

Okay, so back to the sick child scenario.  Sometimes when I hold one of my sick children, and I am exhausted and possibly scared, I thank God that my child has me to comfort them, to pray for them, to care for them.  I think of children who have been orphaned, who do not have the attention and care and love that I am able to give to my children.  And then I pray for those children.   I thank Him that someday there will be no more sickness.

So the thanksgiving leads me to pray!  I pray that God will continually open my eyes more and more to the beauty and blessings that surround me because of His love.  The more I see, the more I am in the constant state of prayer...thanking Him and interceding for others.  I am praying without ceasing.

All of that leads to rejoicing!  We don't need to give thanks FOR the circumstance, but give thanks IN the circumstance!  That I can do with a genuine heart...in truth.  And all of it is "in Christ Jesus".  Because of Him.

FEAR

Fear is one of my worst enemies.  I hate how it just creeps in out of nowhere!  For the last couple of days, I have been randomly annoyed by fear.  Sounds funny to say it that way, but that is how I feel.  I really shouldn't shrug it off because sometimes those "random annoyances" plant seeds.  If I don't throw them out immediately, they might start growing roots, and then sprout forth in my actions!

I do not want to be motivated by fear!  I find that fear keeps me distracted mentally, steals my joy, and paralyzes me.  All terrible!  I want none of it.

I love this.  1 Peter 3:6 "...do not fear anything that is frightening."

Psalm 112:7 "He (the righteous) is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD."

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

It's not like we need to lie to ourselves and live in denial about the fact that bad things are guaranteed to happen.  We need to TRUST!  Trust that He will never leave us.  Trust that He will sustain us.  I almost feel ridiculous that I should struggle with trusting Him, but at times I battle.

I like these quotes from Oswald Chambers:

"How much of our security and peace is the outcome of the civilized life we live, and how much of it is built up in faith in God?"
"Unbelief is the most active thing on earth; it is a fretful, worrying, questioning, annoying, self-centered spirit.  To believe is to stop all this and let God work."
"All our fret and worry is caused by calculating without God."  

(Bible quotes ESV;Oswald Chambers quotes from In the Presence of His Majesty)

Everything is His

I was talking to my sister on the phone today.  During our conversation I overheard her say to one of her children, "That is your dad's."  She spoke in a very firm voice...nice, but firm.  In essence what she was saying was, "Do you realize who that belongs to?  You can't just do whatever you want with that.  Be careful!"

I am not sure what they were getting into, and I didn't even ask.  But in that tiny moment, I felt like God was reminding me...it all belongs to Him!  My children.  My money.  My life.  My time.  I can't just do whatever I want with these.  I must be careful.  I must have respect.  Everything is His...my Father's!

How might you treat your child (especially in one of those difficult moments that we all have as parents) if you thought of them as God's child?  How would you treat your spouse?  And money...I need to grow in maturity there too! 

1 Chronicles 29:11 "Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is Yours.  Yours is the kingdom, O LORD, and You are exalted as head above all." (ESV)