The "Little" Stuff

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"Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff." ~ Catherine M. Wallace

I See His Fingerprints

I didn't have an ideal childhood. Most of my earliest memories are sad. My family was "broken", and I was wounded. I've been remembering some specific hurts recently, and know that God is still working healing in my life. The memories do not bring up anger or bitterness, but there's still pain. So I will go to Him and ask Him for wisdom about what to do with it. I know that He will heal me.

Above all the junk...above all the confusion and pain...what God has allowed me to see more than anything else in my childhood...are His fingerprints. Not that He orchestrated those things, but that He loved me through them. He protected me in many ways.

About a year ago I was praying, and was thanking God for always being with me. Specifically I was speaking of the previous year that I had experienced, which was the most difficult of my adult life. But as soon as I said those words, I felt like He whispered to me, "I've always been with you." I cried as I saw myself as a little girl, being loved by Him so sweetly. In the midst of all the chaos, He never ceased drawing me near to Him. It amazes me. I have been so blessed.

I would never wish that I had a different mom and dad. They were not perfect, and mistakes were made. But you know what I took away above all their junk? I knew they loved me, and I could see their love for Jesus. It was messy...but real.

Dash's hand on mine

I am blessed that God gave me to them. I am blessed that He drew me so close to Himself. I'm thankful that none of my suffering needs to be wasted. All of it can be used for His glory and my good...He's that awesome.

I'm glad I can see this now, as I am a parent. I absolutely love being a wife and a mother, and strive to be the best I can for my family. However, I am not perfect. I hope that more than my faults and failures, my kids will see my love for them and my love for Jesus. I pray that God will draw them near to Himself, as He did me, and that they will run to Him.

(Photo credit: Rachel Ranae)

Beauty in Every Stage

I want to embrace every stage of life...in each of my children's lives. There are always challenges no matter their age. There are also beautiful things to recognize and be thankful for, from infancy on up. If I focus only on the difficulties at hand, without seeing all the wonderful, it will breed discontentment and ingratitude. I don't believe that if they just grow out of "this stage" that my life will be easier. The next stage will have it's own set of difficulties. But if I live with that mindset, I will miss out on so much. They will grow up fast, and I will look back in regret.

For the most part, this is not that hard for me. But I think part of it is because I am thrilled to give my kids what I longed for so badly when I was their age. My mom left when I was about two years old. She was in and out of my life until I was about seven, and then she lived near me. I got to see her on weekends, and more in the summer. But I wanted to be with her all the time! Don't get me wrong, I loved being with my dad too. But I wanted both! My heart ached. I never got to know what it was like to live with both my mom and dad at the same time. I was way too young to remember when they did.

So last night, my husband and I had the three older kids sleep on an air mattress in our room...just for fun. They all wanted to cuddle with us for a bit, so they climbed into our bed giggling. We laughed and talked, and had fun thinking of antonyms and synonyms for silly words. It was great. And I soaked up every second. My husband asked each of the kids what their favorite part of the day was. BluEyes said that Jesus rose from the dead (so precious), and hide-and-seek at Grandma's. Then BigBrother said that Jesus rose from the dead, and the animal balloons he got to play with. SweetHeart said, right now. This. And I had to agree.

I find that just being with my kids, and loving them well, brings healing to my own soul. And I will choose to enjoy them as much possible. I won't be anxious for them to grow up, and I won't dread it either. I'll just be happy where we are. In each stage. Together.

Let Him Heal You

Let go of the walls of shame that isolate you and feed your fear. Shame tells you that you are uniquely and fatally flawed...no one else will understand. But if you can believe the truth and stop letting fear control you, healing and freedom will come. He will NEVER abandon you, no matter how dark or long the journey. He restores, mends, and heals. Praise God!