I See His Fingerprints

I didn't have an ideal childhood. Most of my earliest memories are sad. My family was "broken", and I was wounded. I've been remembering some specific hurts recently, and know that God is still working healing in my life. The memories do not bring up anger or bitterness, but there's still pain. So I will go to Him and ask Him for wisdom about what to do with it. I know that He will heal me.

Above all the junk...above all the confusion and pain...what God has allowed me to see more than anything else in my childhood...are His fingerprints. Not that He orchestrated those things, but that He loved me through them. He protected me in many ways.

About a year ago I was praying, and was thanking God for always being with me. Specifically I was speaking of the previous year that I had experienced, which was the most difficult of my adult life. But as soon as I said those words, I felt like He whispered to me, "I've always been with you." I cried as I saw myself as a little girl, being loved by Him so sweetly. In the midst of all the chaos, He never ceased drawing me near to Him. It amazes me. I have been so blessed.

I would never wish that I had a different mom and dad. They were not perfect, and mistakes were made. But you know what I took away above all their junk? I knew they loved me, and I could see their love for Jesus. It was messy...but real.

Dash's hand on mine

I am blessed that God gave me to them. I am blessed that He drew me so close to Himself. I'm thankful that none of my suffering needs to be wasted. All of it can be used for His glory and my good...He's that awesome.

I'm glad I can see this now, as I am a parent. I absolutely love being a wife and a mother, and strive to be the best I can for my family. However, I am not perfect. I hope that more than my faults and failures, my kids will see my love for them and my love for Jesus. I pray that God will draw them near to Himself, as He did me, and that they will run to Him.

(Photo credit: Rachel Ranae)