First Impressions vs. Reality

First impressions can be far from the truth, or at least the whole truth. I was glad that my new friend spoke what was running through her mind when she walked into my house for the first time. I was able to laugh and show her reality.

Almost every week for the last several years, I've had women over to my house for a time of encouragement. I was recently reminded of a night back in February when I had met a new friend and invited her to join us.

The first words that came out of her mouth when she walked through the door of my house were, "Oh my goodness. You're never coming to my house. Your house is so clean!" I literally burst out laughing. It was especially funny to me (and my other friends), because earlier that day my house was a complete disaster! It was so bad in fact, that I had sent a group text of some of the messy rooms to my friends who would be joining me later. I was glad I did! I was able to show her the pictures so that she knew I wasn't exaggerating when I told her my house was rarely this clean.

pictures from that day

This is the deal. It's not that I clean my house really well those evenings because I'm trying to impress my friends or make them think my house is always in order. They know me and have been to my house plenty of times when it's being..."lived in". However, when I know they are coming and I want to have a nice relaxing time, I go the extra mile to make my house look peaceful. I enjoy setting the atmosphere.

Some people feel relieved when they walk into a messy house because they can relate, and they perceive that they aren't trying to be impressed. Others can't relax in a mess and feel uncomfortable. There have been times when I was unsure whether I should clean up or leave the mess, not knowing what would make others feel good, and ME more relatable. I don't want people to think I'm perfect or pretending. I don't want people to feel uncomfortable! There's no formula. I give up. I can't figure out what others want and what will leave a good impression. The thing is, I can't live for impressions. They aren't complete.

I'm going to be myself. That means if I want to clean, light candles, and play music for guests, I will. If someone unexpectedly shows up at my front door and I have to warn them not to trip on the toys, I'm not going to be embarrassed and make excuses. Neither of these pictures is a lie, they are simply incomplete.

I'm going to try to remember this when I get a glimpse of someone else's reality, and start to believe that the snapshot is the whole.

These are all actual pictures from that day. 

Homeschooling: It's About Time

Trust me, you don't need a teaching degree in order to homeschool, you need helpful resources and lots of encouragement. This is my ninth year homeschooling and I still seek these out daily. With six children (ages 13 to 1) my house is quite a commotion, but being a mom and teaching my children is where my heart is. It's an awesome responsibility that I believe is worthy of my efforts. For me, homeschooling is simply an extension of mothering. It's very challenging, but anything worth doing is.

Never a dull moment!

My husband and I both attended school, and did not have any big plans to homeschool. I remember when my oldest was four years old, visiting schools in anticipation of sending her off. My heart just didn't feel right about it. We decided to "try" homeschooling for kindergarten. We never looked back.

It's always a challenge. Every year changes. Each child is unique, and every couple years there seems to be a new one! I never feel "put together" but I'm beginning to be okay with that. I've learned over the years how to make positive changes and shifts that help me keep my sanity.

Teaching isn't the most difficult part for me right now. I have collected some great resources over the years. I am more confident. I don't worry so much about the world's "standards".

Currently, trying to maintain some sort of peace and order is a struggle for me. If only all my children were so grateful to have the wonderful life they have and thank me for all of my hard work and endeavors, always loving one another and putting each other first...ahhh. That would be heavenly. A maid would be nice too.

Most days I feel like I'm in a boxing ring. But I keep getting back up. I'm trying to lead my children. Sometimes I get sucked into the chaos and immaturity. I'm learning to be mature. Be slow to speak. Laugh. I've found that tickling the crazy kid that's driving me nuts, sometimes breaks the crazy in us both.

I know that I'm building something special in my home. That's why I don't give up. It's crucial to remember the big picture. When I'm sleep deprived and my 4 year old is yelling at me to get him water...I want to dump the water on his head and go back to bed. I need to be able to call to mind that this job is important. Being a mom who can see past her kid's selfishness and love him anyway, that matters.

All these little moments add up to a life. I want to make the most of the time I have with my children. Homeschooling offers me more time with them, which is the main reason I do it. We are living this life out together side by side. We are learning and growing not only in knowledge, but in relationship.    

What Am I Pursuing?

I am so prone to see where I fall short, and where I need to improve. I often have to take a step back to get the big picture. I have to distinguish the difference between pursuing growth and pursuing God. When I pursue Him, growth is inevitable. As I focus on Him, He changes me in all the right ways.

I wrote this poem a couple years ago, but never posted it. When I read it the other day, it was still so true to my life, and I was encouraged to keep my eyes on Him!

Pursue God

When I pursue growth, my eyes are on me,
All I can see are my inadequacies.

When I pursue God, my eyes are on His face,
He is patient, loving, strong, and full of grace.

My hope is made new and joy overflows
I can live differently, I'm weak but He knows.

I don't want my past to be marked with discontentment and strife,
At how I was never good enough in all areas of my life.

At the same time I know I'll see the beauty that was made,
While I took care of my children and they laughed and played.

I know that my life has been abundantly blessed,
That there's so much beauty in the midst of my mess.

Yet it's hard to let go and be okay with where I am at,
Know God is working in me, and leave it at that.

I want to somehow embrace the natural tension of running a race,
But doing it with a heart filled with peace NOW because of His grace.

My goal shouldn't be to "be a better me",
The peace comes when I lift my eyes up, and His face is all I see.

His yoke is easy and His burden is light,
I need to rest in Him, not strive to do everything right.

I need to simply live and let Him work through me,
Getting my eyes off myself is how I will clearly see.

And then as I look back on all of my days,
Instead of regret about how I felt, my mouth will be filled with His praise!

(Rachel Ranae 1.20.14)

Listening to worshipful music almost always helps me to get my eyes off myself and lifts me. The kids and I have been learning this song. I love all "Shane and Shane" songs :)

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Like Walking on Water

At times I am full of faith and overflowing with love as I take care of my six children. Then I have moments when fear creeps in and tries to overwhelm me...

"How am I going to do all that needs to be done? Am I giving each child the attention they need? What kind of world are my kids growing up in? Will they love the Lord Jesus?"

It's in those moments that I feel like Peter walking on the water. I have all this faith to step out of the boat to do the impossible, because I know He's calling me. Then I see the wind. I become afraid and start sinking. I cry out, "Lord, save me!" He immediately reaches out His hand and catches me.

I need to keep my eyes focused on Him. It was when Peter saw the wind, that he became afraid and started to sink. I don't want to be distracted by fear, and let faith give way to doubt. However, I'm thankful that when I do, I can call on Him. He always catches me.

I am passionate about being a mom. God has helped me to see the immeasurable value there is in the ministry of motherhood...in loving children. I want to do His will, knowing that He provides what I need. I must have faith in His abilities. It's not about what I'm capable of, it's about my willingness to surrender. As I release control, as I let go of fear, as I lay my life down and open my hands - God fills me, meets me, ministers to me, and revives me. He flows through me, and I get to be a vessel of His life and love to the people around me. What could be better than that?